You're my little dorito
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
