He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
