We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
