she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
