I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
