why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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