Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
