C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
