this boner is exhausting
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dear god my vagina.
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