The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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