I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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