Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
