there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
