Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
