No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
