I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
