My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
