So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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