I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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