My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
