the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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