First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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