I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
