she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
this is an emotional support booty call
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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