I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
