Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
