went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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