I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
