My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
