I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
