I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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