i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
