New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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