Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
