Barsexuality is the new black.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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