eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
