Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
