I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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