There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
