Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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