just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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