Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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