Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
