at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
