Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
