At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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