at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
