I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
