Duck Duck Cougar?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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