i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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