the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
