I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
