She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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