It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
