Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
