He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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