I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I touched a dick in church today
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
