come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
