You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
