update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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