Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
