i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
