she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
