yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
