This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
